Melon Farmers Unrated




Turbo Sex Machine...

Sex Machine Reviews

Link Here24th January 2021

The Turbo Sex Machine was released by Diva® at Christmas 2016. As with most machines sold by market leading retailer the Turbo Sex Machine is compatible with the world's best and most comprehensive dildo system the Vac-U-Lock®.

To the power of this awesome piece of sexually fulfilling machinery -- a mind-blowing speed of up to 300 strokes per minute can be achieved but the user can set their own pace via the hand-held speed controller with its rotating dial. This fucking machine is a quality build with an impressive industrial built motor and construction of heavy steel coated in a luxury-look black finish.

As always you will never be disappointed with your purchase from as they always make sure the sex machine package is full of extra goodies, guaranteed to make the pleasure experience as good as it possibly could be. Included are two 15cm (6") dongs, the Diva® wizard flexible convertor (a device for adjusting the angle of penetration) and a free original magic wand massager which has an rrp of £59.99!

With a 1 year worldwide warranty and free next day delivery there has never been a better time to own this extremely competitively priced machine.

See further details from



John Thomas Victoria's Pussy Platinum Silicone Masturbator...

Sex Toy Reviews

Link Here19th January 2021

Victoria's Pussy is another male masturbator from John Thomas Toys and one of the best selling. Presented in black, ultra soft medical grade platinum silicone; it features realistic external labia adorning the awaiting love chamber inside.

Victoria is a high end escort in London who has only the richest clientele. If you are lucky you might catch sight of her in her high heels or recognise the scent of her enchanting perfume.

The canal of this sex toy is beautifully ribbed and feels wonderful as you penetrate it deeper and deeper. Pop the bung in the end and you will feel your member sucked in even further with the vacuum.

Hypoallergenic and phthalate free, easy to clean and comes with a lifetime guarantee.

See further details at John Thomas Toys. Also available as flesh coloured



Motion Love Machine...

Sex Machine Reviews

Link Here15th January 2021

Motion Love Machine is designed and manufactured by Diva the No.1 sex machine manufacturer since 1973, with Diva's years of expertise and innovation this is a great fucking machine.

The Motion Love Machine delivers incredible power and speed. Its low noise out-put & angle adjustability makes the Motion Love Machine excellent value. It has an incredible powerful thrust and torque level as well as angle adjustability. The heavy steel frame which is made from high quality durable black powder coating makes it very stable indeed. The Motion has 14 different angle positions from horizontal to vertical (over 180 degrees) no other machine is capable of this.

This machine has the EZ knob system which makes dismantling, storage and positioning quick and easy, taking all the stress out of your sex machine experience.

The Motion Love machine offers huge flexibility from a relatively small machine and price, it is compatible with the vac-u-lock system which give hundreds of possibilities for fun and is packed in a glossy presentation box.

With a massive 7 inch thrust stroke and up to 220 strokes a minute, this fucking machine  offers deep fast penetration. The Motion weighs just 9kg making it easy to move about and store, it has a 4ft corded controller, a very quiet motor, requires no batteries, is CE certified, ROHS compliant and offers a 1 year worldwide warranty.

See further details from




John Thomas Brenda's Bucket Platinum Silicone Masturbator...

Sex Toy Reviews

Link Here14th January 2021

Brenda’s Bucket is another exciting creation in the John Thomas range of male masturbators. It has been handcrafted from medical grade, ultra soft, platinum silicone which looks wonderful and feels indulgent to the touch.

Brenda’s Bucket is full of erotic nodules and ridges and is a real treat for all men who love indulgent self-pleasure with an experienced woman.

Brenda epitomises the word MILF and can show even the most seasoned lovers a thing or two.

Brenda’s Bucket was designed in the UK and manufactured in the USA and comes with a lifetime warranty and gorgeous faux velvet storage bag.

Easy to clean but harder to put down – enjoy Brenda today.

See further details at John Thomas Toys.



My Pleasurer Love Machine...


Link Here9th January 2021
Diva's My Pleasurer™ Love Machine delivers incredible power, angle adjustability and performance at an affordable price

It provides up to 300 thrusts per minute to make you explode with excitement every single time!

This sex machine includes two dildo attachments so you're ready to go straight out of the box

The machine is designed and engineered for flexible operation and can be used for both horizontal and vertical thrusting.

See further details about My Pleasurer Love Machine from




John Thomas Bum Hole Platinum Silicone Masturbator...

Sex Toy Reviews

Link Here 7th January 2021

If you enjoy anal sex or are just curious, then the Bum Hole male masturbator is a great sex toy for your collection. Bum Hole has been handcrafted from the only the softest platinum silicone and is nice and tight in all the right places!

A hand poured fusion of gold and black; this sex toy features highly textured nodules guaranteed to tingle all your sensitive nerve endings.

To make your experience more realistic flush warm water inside the canal prior to penetration, lube up and slip in.

Bum Hole is easy to clean and made from non-porous and hypoallergenic materials. This sex toy comes with a free faux velvet storage bag. Don't forget to check out our other male masturbators!

See further details at John Thomas Toys.



John Thomas Pig Boy Platinum Silicone Masturbator...

Sex Toy Reviews

Link Here 18th December 2020

Pig Boy platinum silicone masturbator is made from our medical grade ultra soft platinum silicone. A hand poured fusion of pink, gold and black creates a unique mix every time.

Pig Boy features a pig nose and aggressive looking snout and jaw. Between the teeth is the awaiting canal riddled with ribbed nodules perfect to slip your member inside. For men this is the ultimate in self pleasure, enhanced further by applying the bung to create a lovely vacuum inside as you reach your peak.

Pig Boy is based on our best selling platinum silicone dildo the Twisted Hog and was designed in the UK.

Clean Pig Boy between uses in boiling water or even pop in the dishwasher. Hypoallergenic and phthalate free, Pig Boy comes with a lifetime warranty and a free bottle of replenishing baby corn powder.

See further details at John Thomas Toys. Also available in blue



Caesar 3.0 Love Machine...


Link Here16th December 2020

We at have been trading since 2004 and have sold thousands of different types of fucking machines ranging from budget sex machines around £ 90 to premium orgasm machines over £ 2500 - but there's one particular fucking machine that sells incredibly well and always has +feedback from our customers...that is the Caesar 3.0 Love Machine - here's why this sex device is one of our top sellers:

  • Caesar 3.0 is ultra quiet even at full speed.
  • Caesar 3.0 has a mid range price point - excellent value.
  • Caesar 3.0 love machine is available in UK/EU 220V or US110V

Ceasar 3.0 includes FREE sex machine attachments and also includes a FREE Caesar Vac-U-Lock adaptor worth £ 24.99 that will allow the user to attach any Vac-U-Lockdildo to it. No other retailer includes this adaptor for free !

Caesar 3.0 fucking machine has a MIG welded steel frame and flat base, which allows the user to slide under her/his mattress and enjoy getting fucked or sucked on the bed.

Caesar 3.0 sex machine is manufactured by Topco Sales who are the leading manufacturer in the USA for sex toys.

Caesar 3.0 orgasm machine also comes with a FREE male masturbator toy, simply screw it onto the end of the Caesar rod shaft and this amazing penetration machine then turns into a male masturbation machine ...allowing the user to get wanked off from 0 - 130 pumps per minute!!

Stroke length is not adjustable however has a generous 6 stroke length, which is suitable for anal or vaginal use.

The mast erects within seconds and then you simply slide on the arm, secure and you're away.

Comes with retail packaging presentation box and instructions.

Can be used on laminate flooring, lino, carpet and slid under your bed mattress, if you find the Caesar 3.0 Love moving when on full power, we find putting some blu tak under the base helps.

Caesar 3.0 also has a corded remote control box allowing user to adjust settings when in use and allows complete control of device to user.

Hot pink powdered coated & chrome plated, which is not simply a painted product, powder coating is durable and scratches are minimal.

Our Rating:

  • value: 9/10
  • power: 8/10
  • durability: 8/10
  • functionality: 10/10
  • performance: 10/10




John Thomas Boogeyman Platinum Silicone Dildo...

Sex Toy Reviews

Link Here 11th December 2020

Watch out - The Boogeyman will get ya!

This platinum silicone dildo stands proudly amongst any sex toy collection. Large bulbous balls lead up to the impressive shaft adorned with thick veins towards an uncut foreskin where the head of this monster cock lays in wait.

Boogeyman is available in a slime green colour or a majestic, hand poured gold and black fusion which we are particularly proud of. Customers rave about Boogeyman as he always manages to hit the spot!

Boogeyman comes in 7", 9", 12" and 16" versions in both colours and in medium or soft firmness. Made from only the finest medical grade platinum silicone he is sure to please.

Schedule some alone time, lube up and bring out the Boogeyman...

See further details at John Thomas Toys. Also available in green



Offsite Article: Vibez in Aylesford...

Link Here9th December 2020
Inside a Kent sex shop in the age of COVID-19

See article from



Huge Sale...

40% off sex dolls at SexMachines

Link Here8th December 2020
Sex Machines Sex Doll Sale Sex Machines



John Thomas Yuppie Platinum Silicone Dildo...

Sex Toy Reviews

Link Here 6th December 2020

Yuppie certainly is a young urban professional and lives up to his name. He's not only stuck up - but stuck in the 1980's if you check out his wardrobe!

Yuppie is a 27 year old socialite who is minted. Based on his very own manhood; this platinum silicone dildo is perfectly tailored to effortlessly slip inside your desired orifice for your delectation.

Featuring a large scrotum, slender shaft and narrow veins, Yuppie leads up to a pointy exposed glans penis head ready for action - just hold on a minute while he puts his filofax down!

Yuppie comes in the regular 4 sizes and also in a choice of beige or brown colours. Choose between soft and medium firmness to ensure a bespoke experience.

See further details at John Thomas Toys. Also available in an alternative darker colour.



Robotic Lovers Machine...

Sex machine reviews

Link Here30th November 2020

The Robotic Lovers Machine has incredible power with adjustable angles, speed and 7" (17cm) stroke length; it also comes with an extension arm giving an extra 8 (20cm) of length - long enough to satisfy the most discerning user.

The handheld corded 4ft (1.2m) speed controller is also a high powered vibrator which can be used in conjunction with the machine for additional pleasure. The Robotic Lovers Machine is a strong, powerful, high quality and quiet sex machine and comes with a 1 year warranty. The Robotic Lovers Machine is CE certified and ROHS compliant.

The Robotic Lovers Machine has a maximum 250 thrusts per minute and with its massive stroke length, provides the user with the perfect speed and depth of penetration; few users will fail to achieve the most explosive and fulfilling orgasms. Those who let their imagination run wild will achieve the best results and will venture to new sexual experiences. With an endless number of positions both anal and vaginal this fucking machine is ideal for either solo use or to be enjoyed with a partner.

The steel framed machine is designed to be extremely sturdy yet light, weighing only 12kgs. The Robotic Lovers Machine comes with two exciting attachments that provide powerful stimulation and are easy to clean. The thrusting angle of these two pleasure attachments is easily adjustable with the tilting platform.

Enjoy many different positions that most fucking machines cannot offer, choose to use it lying on the floor, standing up, in bed, sitting in a sofa or chair or even on the kitchen table! The machine stands over 6ft (1.8m) high when extended or it can lay flat on the floor allowing your fantasies to become a reality! This sex machine is very easy to assemble and disassemble for storage solutions, it folds nearly flat so it can be stored under the bed within seconds. The Robotic Lovers Machine uses the latest technology for anti-corrosion, and is painted using a powder coat system which protects and makes the unit more durable.

See further details about the Robotic Lovers Machine from



John Thomas Pervy Patrick Platinum Silicone Dildo...

Sex Toy Reviews

Link Here 26th November 2020

Pervy Patrick himself is a randy old goat who should know better! He doesn't know the meaning of politically correct and loves nothing more than having an indiscrete perv on whichever unsuspecting women cross his path.

Our Pervy Patrick is a medical grade, platinum silicone realistic dildo with prominent veins, retracted foreskin an exposed glans and a large pair of testicles!

Patrick comes in the usual 4 sizes and in a choice of either beige or brown colour; he looks and feels great attached to your sex machine of choice and will not disappoint!

Patrick was designed in the UK and lovingly brought to life in the USA. Hypoallergenic and simple to clean, this impressive dildo enhances any sex toy collection. Complimentary suction cup and faux velvet bag included.

See further details at John Thomas Toys. Also available in an alternative colour


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